Monday, March 12, 2007

Living with an imaginary girlfriend

I met one of my old friend, and he asked the same question - Any girlfriend? I am tired of my life answering this question. I always give it a sweet smile which sometimes contains an involuntary expression of anxiety. People ask these trite questions for myriad reasons before actually going into meaningful conversation.

Sometimes my very close friends, with whom I share many things, tries to push me to have a girlfriend. These friends actually try to analyze me and are always ready with suggestions which they claims should help me to get one. Some have even tried things like fixing a date for me.

Its not that I have problems in having girlfriend or I enjoy the spoils of a single life. There is some funny analysis that I was able to do. There are plenty of positive things in me too, but I thought of writing these things a few days back.
* My expectations/standards are too high - How many beautiful and cute looking women do I encounter in my day to day life. Those women always seem to be taken.
* Guys always have to put more efforts in beginning - Little or no response from women de-motivates me. Some experts says that this is expected from women in the beginning. But I feel very disheartened seeing that my best isn't good enough.
* I am hilarious in a weird way. This is fun for me as I enjoy awkwardness but sometimes people don't know how to respond to this.

After a tiring office day, or, when i feel blue in the night, I always go through my mobile phone directory searching for a girl to talk to. My phone has only 3-4 girls and I usually talk to one of them in such situations for an hour or so. Probably I should call them my imaginary girlfriends. They know me so well that they also pretend to be my girlfriend to make the whole scene authentic. Sometimes this can be a lot of fun and sometimes it is a confidence booster.

I strongly feel that some people are meant to be like this. They understand everything but still are perplexed by doubts. I am one of this kind and probably any help from friends will not be of much use. I am quite felicitous with my so called imaginary girlfriends and conscientious intention to find a real one will be too much effort for me.

Monday, March 5, 2007

stuck in a wrong job?

I am working as a "software engineer + technical lead + manager", in one of the fastest growing and technically oriented company which has only 4K employees worldwide and has revenue of over 4 billion. I am one of the best paid engineer of my age group and industry experience. Doesn't it sounds great ??

In spite of all these good things I sometime question myself for the career path i have chosen. I have been working really hard from past 1-1.5 years to increase my technical capabilities. I am literally not doing anything else except office work. But my job requires a lot more technical knowledge and experience which means I will have to slog for next 5-6 years to reach some level or may be little more. Am I ready for all this? This needs patience and long exhausting march of hard work.

I sometimes feel that this does not goes with my personality. Are my skills and interests fit my current work? Are my career goals realistic with this organization? These are some of the question I will have to answer soon to make a good career choice. I have probably reached a stage when I am not sure of what i want and what are the opportunities and even what is appropriate. Probably, dissatisfaction with possession and achievements is required for further achievements.