(I wrote it on 21st Oct 2007 but posting it now after 2 years ;))
Men and women have many fundamental similarities to other life forms in our world. But there are some gifts which really set us apart, the ability to love, emotions and having a never ending soul. This makes us so special and unique.
I have been trying to re-discover, trying to explore myself, in the past few months. Not sure if I am a changed man, and have become little different in nature. Probably, i was always like this, but it never occurred to me that someone is supernaturally directing my feelings, thoughts and will.
I can bet that this is not one of the fairy tales of romanticism and love that happens to everyone when they are young. I am too old for it. But for certain it has a magic in it. The magic has always been so evident that anyone will gain a belief in destiny.
I dont even remember how it started, and who took conscious steps to make it happen. I deeply feel that it had to happen and God was waiting for the time to give us the right combination of the circumstances. And then everything happened automatically as if both of us knew what we feel and there is nothing unexpected.
I have become abnormally addicted to her. I never miss any chance to see her or talk to her on phone. We have spent nights talking on phone and everytime I am amazed by the fact that night passed away so quickly and I still do not want to hang up. I can feel that ritual recitation of words and sounds when she speaks to me. She has completely dominated my actions and thoughts. It reminds me of a very lovely song my Bryan Adams - "Everything I do, I do it for you".
When she touched me for the first time, she was holding my hand. I was intensely affected and could feel that force in her to make me insane. Her beautiful hands with that soft gentle contact is so responsive to stimulate the love and affection. Right from the beginning I have felt that she is mine and she is the one. I sometimes get too confident because of the positive vibrations which gives me lot of assurance, lot of security. Well, I am lying a bit here. I get very envious when she touches or hug anyone else. It is not that i feel vulnerable and insecure by this. But i feel as if someone is taking my world away for a moment and I just cant help it.
Recently, I had gone out to an exotic place for a weekend with her where I took lots of pictures. I am never interested in photography, probably because I don't like to take care of these costly cameras and carry it everywhere. But this time i somehow managed to do it. I am completely surprised to see our couple snaps which speaks a thousand words. Even a hardhearted person can see the connection between us and read what we feel for each other. I just don't get bored looking at those same snaps again and again.
I have strongly started believing in the theory of souls. It is unique and does not get wear out with age. I hope that this feeling of love for her will remain forever young and new as she is my soul-mate !!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Friday, September 5, 2008
Rock On
I watched Rock On yesterday. Another blockbuster by Farhan Akhtar. The movie is good, but it has touched something inside me. I am not a rockstar or a hard core rock fan. I like listening to rock though. But thats not the reason for this movie to become special for me.
Its because, I was seeing myself in Farhan, while i was watching the movie. But, what is common between me and Farhan? I have been thinking about it. And I just realized that probably I am also living a half-life. A half-life by not doing what I am best at and always wanted to do. I had seen a dream in young age, unfortunately, it didn't turn into reality. I wish life gives me another chance, like it gave to Farhan in the movie, a chance to fulfill my dream. And I promise, this time I wont let it go.
Its because, I was seeing myself in Farhan, while i was watching the movie. But, what is common between me and Farhan? I have been thinking about it. And I just realized that probably I am also living a half-life. A half-life by not doing what I am best at and always wanted to do. I had seen a dream in young age, unfortunately, it didn't turn into reality. I wish life gives me another chance, like it gave to Farhan in the movie, a chance to fulfill my dream. And I promise, this time I wont let it go.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Coming Back to Life
I was on sabbatical which lasted almost a year. One takes a sabbatical typically to merely take a break from work to fulfil some goal. It would mean any extended absence in the career of an individual and almost similar happened with me. Though, it wasnt unpaid. The goal in my case was to explore the opportunity that god gave me - a very lovely, friendly and charming relationship with the love of my life. I had dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a place filled with flowers and friends. I used to
ask myself what kind of wedding I wish for; and one fine day I realised it to be the one that will make her my wife.
It was a high and holy state of mind where I began to learn how to love and realised how it can become the creator of life. I got so much involved that i stopped thinking about everything else, my career, my friends, my work. And thats the reason I am calling it my sabbatical period.
Now, after a year, I am coming back to life, feeling completely fresh, with double energy and with different prespective. I tried pulling up old strings, burned myself straight into the shining sun. As a result, once again, I am lost into the world fighting for survival, sustenance and success in life. I have thrown myself into a lot of things: started a new team in my company and expecting a promotion in October, looking for buying a house, thinking of pursuing an MBA from some foreign university and what more?
All these activities are very demanding and taking all my time. Lot of decisions that I have to take in next few months which will govern the future I will be creating for myself. Probably, I like to see myself in such situation and test how I am able to come out of it successfully with the sense of accomplishment.
The difference is that I am not alone this time. I have someone who trusts me in whatever I am doing, helps me with all the situations I am going through, and promised that she will be there in all the good and bad times throught my life. And that is making a huge difference.
ask myself what kind of wedding I wish for; and one fine day I realised it to be the one that will make her my wife.
It was a high and holy state of mind where I began to learn how to love and realised how it can become the creator of life. I got so much involved that i stopped thinking about everything else, my career, my friends, my work. And thats the reason I am calling it my sabbatical period.
Now, after a year, I am coming back to life, feeling completely fresh, with double energy and with different prespective. I tried pulling up old strings, burned myself straight into the shining sun. As a result, once again, I am lost into the world fighting for survival, sustenance and success in life. I have thrown myself into a lot of things: started a new team in my company and expecting a promotion in October, looking for buying a house, thinking of pursuing an MBA from some foreign university and what more?
All these activities are very demanding and taking all my time. Lot of decisions that I have to take in next few months which will govern the future I will be creating for myself. Probably, I like to see myself in such situation and test how I am able to come out of it successfully with the sense of accomplishment.
The difference is that I am not alone this time. I have someone who trusts me in whatever I am doing, helps me with all the situations I am going through, and promised that she will be there in all the good and bad times throught my life. And that is making a huge difference.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The ephemeral happiness
Sometimes you want to leave this world behind and do things which looks little odd but surely feels right. Those are the moments which touches you and you would like to remember it for the rest of your life.
Something like this happened to me a few days back. It was a regular office day and little bored with the usual stuff, I thought to go back home and watch Tv. On my way back, I met a friend and we started the routine conversation. She has a pleasant personality and is a very good person to talk to. Its been more than a year I know her, but I had never asked her out. She looked interested, little excited and we planned to go on a drive.
Little influenced by romanticism I decided to take her to an exotic lake side restaurant. We had a very nice and interesting conversation perfectly blended with right amount of liquor. We talked about many things, discussed common friends, likings and dislikings, and then she asked me to describe what I like in her. There was a void of expression from my side. I like her the way she is, but to pin-point something was not easy for me. Its not that I do not have any impression of her. After thinking really deep I was able to point some of her personality traits which impress me everytime I meet her.
After dinner we decided to go for coffee at Cafe Coffee Day. Thats the only decent place to go late in the night besides the lavish coffee shops of 5 star hotels. She mentioned that she can remain out for 1 more hour and then I will have to drop her home. This 1 hour went so fast before we realized that she is already late. I never wanted to let her go home and so tried to convince her for a night out with me. I felt even she does not want to go back but I had to market the night out idea to keep her assured that its worth it.
It took me a while to convince her but than I had no idea what to do. We went to railway station in search of a restaurant to sit in, where she deeply or markedly influenced me with her distinguishing quality. She asked me to catch the train going towards Mumbai and we decided to go to Lonavala. It was around 2 a.m. and she wasnt having fear of any kind. Her wild and exciting behavior was driving me crazy. We reached lonavala in an hour and then roamed around little bit near station.
It wasnt looking very safe so we decided to come back to station and sat very close to each other on a bench holding each others hand. It was very late in the night and mosquitos with long proboscis were piercing the skin to keep us awake. We were waiting for the first light of the day. We got up before dawn and went out of station but to the different side this time.
It was a beautiful natural scenery, which was acting as a catalyst in developing an intimate relationship. Droplets of water vapor suspended in the air were reducing the visibility. I tried to embrace her in my arms with fondness. Her long hair flowed down her back and I felt little helpless lying in her arms. I wanted to hug her tight but was afraid of revealing my feelings. The gracious morning walk, developed an attitude of admiration for her.
We came back to Pune early morning, picked my car from station and I went to drop her. Both of us were very quite on our way back home as if something is going to end. Probably that was an ephemeral happiness.
Something like this happened to me a few days back. It was a regular office day and little bored with the usual stuff, I thought to go back home and watch Tv. On my way back, I met a friend and we started the routine conversation. She has a pleasant personality and is a very good person to talk to. Its been more than a year I know her, but I had never asked her out. She looked interested, little excited and we planned to go on a drive.
Little influenced by romanticism I decided to take her to an exotic lake side restaurant. We had a very nice and interesting conversation perfectly blended with right amount of liquor. We talked about many things, discussed common friends, likings and dislikings, and then she asked me to describe what I like in her. There was a void of expression from my side. I like her the way she is, but to pin-point something was not easy for me. Its not that I do not have any impression of her. After thinking really deep I was able to point some of her personality traits which impress me everytime I meet her.
After dinner we decided to go for coffee at Cafe Coffee Day. Thats the only decent place to go late in the night besides the lavish coffee shops of 5 star hotels. She mentioned that she can remain out for 1 more hour and then I will have to drop her home. This 1 hour went so fast before we realized that she is already late. I never wanted to let her go home and so tried to convince her for a night out with me. I felt even she does not want to go back but I had to market the night out idea to keep her assured that its worth it.
It took me a while to convince her but than I had no idea what to do. We went to railway station in search of a restaurant to sit in, where she deeply or markedly influenced me with her distinguishing quality. She asked me to catch the train going towards Mumbai and we decided to go to Lonavala. It was around 2 a.m. and she wasnt having fear of any kind. Her wild and exciting behavior was driving me crazy. We reached lonavala in an hour and then roamed around little bit near station.
It wasnt looking very safe so we decided to come back to station and sat very close to each other on a bench holding each others hand. It was very late in the night and mosquitos with long proboscis were piercing the skin to keep us awake. We were waiting for the first light of the day. We got up before dawn and went out of station but to the different side this time.
It was a beautiful natural scenery, which was acting as a catalyst in developing an intimate relationship. Droplets of water vapor suspended in the air were reducing the visibility. I tried to embrace her in my arms with fondness. Her long hair flowed down her back and I felt little helpless lying in her arms. I wanted to hug her tight but was afraid of revealing my feelings. The gracious morning walk, developed an attitude of admiration for her.
We came back to Pune early morning, picked my car from station and I went to drop her. Both of us were very quite on our way back home as if something is going to end. Probably that was an ephemeral happiness.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Living with an imaginary girlfriend
I met one of my old friend, and he asked the same question - Any girlfriend? I am tired of my life answering this question. I always give it a sweet smile which sometimes contains an involuntary expression of anxiety. People ask these trite questions for myriad reasons before actually going into meaningful conversation.
Sometimes my very close friends, with whom I share many things, tries to push me to have a girlfriend. These friends actually try to analyze me and are always ready with suggestions which they claims should help me to get one. Some have even tried things like fixing a date for me.
Its not that I have problems in having girlfriend or I enjoy the spoils of a single life. There is some funny analysis that I was able to do. There are plenty of positive things in me too, but I thought of writing these things a few days back.
* My expectations/standards are too high - How many beautiful and cute looking women do I encounter in my day to day life. Those women always seem to be taken.
* Guys always have to put more efforts in beginning - Little or no response from women de-motivates me. Some experts says that this is expected from women in the beginning. But I feel very disheartened seeing that my best isn't good enough.
* I am hilarious in a weird way. This is fun for me as I enjoy awkwardness but sometimes people don't know how to respond to this.
After a tiring office day, or, when i feel blue in the night, I always go through my mobile phone directory searching for a girl to talk to. My phone has only 3-4 girls and I usually talk to one of them in such situations for an hour or so. Probably I should call them my imaginary girlfriends. They know me so well that they also pretend to be my girlfriend to make the whole scene authentic. Sometimes this can be a lot of fun and sometimes it is a confidence booster.
I strongly feel that some people are meant to be like this. They understand everything but still are perplexed by doubts. I am one of this kind and probably any help from friends will not be of much use. I am quite felicitous with my so called imaginary girlfriends and conscientious intention to find a real one will be too much effort for me.
Sometimes my very close friends, with whom I share many things, tries to push me to have a girlfriend. These friends actually try to analyze me and are always ready with suggestions which they claims should help me to get one. Some have even tried things like fixing a date for me.
Its not that I have problems in having girlfriend or I enjoy the spoils of a single life. There is some funny analysis that I was able to do. There are plenty of positive things in me too, but I thought of writing these things a few days back.
* My expectations/standards are too high - How many beautiful and cute looking women do I encounter in my day to day life. Those women always seem to be taken.
* Guys always have to put more efforts in beginning - Little or no response from women de-motivates me. Some experts says that this is expected from women in the beginning. But I feel very disheartened seeing that my best isn't good enough.
* I am hilarious in a weird way. This is fun for me as I enjoy awkwardness but sometimes people don't know how to respond to this.
After a tiring office day, or, when i feel blue in the night, I always go through my mobile phone directory searching for a girl to talk to. My phone has only 3-4 girls and I usually talk to one of them in such situations for an hour or so. Probably I should call them my imaginary girlfriends. They know me so well that they also pretend to be my girlfriend to make the whole scene authentic. Sometimes this can be a lot of fun and sometimes it is a confidence booster.
I strongly feel that some people are meant to be like this. They understand everything but still are perplexed by doubts. I am one of this kind and probably any help from friends will not be of much use. I am quite felicitous with my so called imaginary girlfriends and conscientious intention to find a real one will be too much effort for me.
Monday, March 5, 2007
stuck in a wrong job?
I am working as a "software engineer + technical lead + manager", in one of the fastest growing and technically oriented company which has only 4K employees worldwide and has revenue of over 4 billion. I am one of the best paid engineer of my age group and industry experience. Doesn't it sounds great ??
In spite of all these good things I sometime question myself for the career path i have chosen. I have been working really hard from past 1-1.5 years to increase my technical capabilities. I am literally not doing anything else except office work. But my job requires a lot more technical knowledge and experience which means I will have to slog for next 5-6 years to reach some level or may be little more. Am I ready for all this? This needs patience and long exhausting march of hard work.
I sometimes feel that this does not goes with my personality. Are my skills and interests fit my current work? Are my career goals realistic with this organization? These are some of the question I will have to answer soon to make a good career choice. I have probably reached a stage when I am not sure of what i want and what are the opportunities and even what is appropriate. Probably, dissatisfaction with possession and achievements is required for further achievements.
In spite of all these good things I sometime question myself for the career path i have chosen. I have been working really hard from past 1-1.5 years to increase my technical capabilities. I am literally not doing anything else except office work. But my job requires a lot more technical knowledge and experience which means I will have to slog for next 5-6 years to reach some level or may be little more. Am I ready for all this? This needs patience and long exhausting march of hard work.
I sometimes feel that this does not goes with my personality. Are my skills and interests fit my current work? Are my career goals realistic with this organization? These are some of the question I will have to answer soon to make a good career choice. I have probably reached a stage when I am not sure of what i want and what are the opportunities and even what is appropriate. Probably, dissatisfaction with possession and achievements is required for further achievements.
Monday, February 26, 2007
My first car
After months of bumming rides off everyone else, I have finally decided to buy my first car when I will be back to India. Technically, this will not be my first car as I had gifted one to my parents on their marriage anniversary after my first job.
Purchasing a car does not mean walking onto a car lot, pick a car and drive home in it the same day. Moreover, being the first one I want it the way I like it, ALL. Whenever I travel to US, my company pays for a nice rental car. This time I have got a Red Convertible, Ford Mustang. It was one of the most successful product launches in automobile industry, which has long and glorious history. It has iconic looks to die for and its mascular engine sound is as good as it looks.
Last year I had rented a SUV. Unless you drive one of the largest SUVs, you cannot understand why people purchase such a monster. The SUV brings back the thrill of driving for driving's sake that I had when I was in school but which has long since worn off. When barreling down the street in an SUV, the song "Take the Money and Run" sounds unbelievably sweet.
I am afraid that back in India I will not be able to buy any such car, instead, I will have to settle down to a C segment car like Hyundai Accent or Ford Ikon. These are the cars of low income groups in US or Europe. This makes me think that I should have come to US after my masters if i really wanted to have such material pleasures. I rather chose to be an emotional fool and stayed back in India.
Purchasing a car does not mean walking onto a car lot, pick a car and drive home in it the same day. Moreover, being the first one I want it the way I like it, ALL. Whenever I travel to US, my company pays for a nice rental car. This time I have got a Red Convertible, Ford Mustang. It was one of the most successful product launches in automobile industry, which has long and glorious history. It has iconic looks to die for and its mascular engine sound is as good as it looks.
Last year I had rented a SUV. Unless you drive one of the largest SUVs, you cannot understand why people purchase such a monster. The SUV brings back the thrill of driving for driving's sake that I had when I was in school but which has long since worn off. When barreling down the street in an SUV, the song "Take the Money and Run" sounds unbelievably sweet.
I am afraid that back in India I will not be able to buy any such car, instead, I will have to settle down to a C segment car like Hyundai Accent or Ford Ikon. These are the cars of low income groups in US or Europe. This makes me think that I should have come to US after my masters if i really wanted to have such material pleasures. I rather chose to be an emotional fool and stayed back in India.
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