Sometimes you want to leave this world behind and do things which looks little odd but surely feels right. Those are the moments which touches you and you would like to remember it for the rest of your life.
Something like this happened to me a few days back. It was a regular office day and little bored with the usual stuff, I thought to go back home and watch Tv. On my way back, I met a friend and we started the routine conversation. She has a pleasant personality and is a very good person to talk to. Its been more than a year I know her, but I had never asked her out. She looked interested, little excited and we planned to go on a drive.
Little influenced by romanticism I decided to take her to an exotic lake side restaurant. We had a very nice and interesting conversation perfectly blended with right amount of liquor. We talked about many things, discussed common friends, likings and dislikings, and then she asked me to describe what I like in her. There was a void of expression from my side. I like her the way she is, but to pin-point something was not easy for me. Its not that I do not have any impression of her. After thinking really deep I was able to point some of her personality traits which impress me everytime I meet her.
After dinner we decided to go for coffee at Cafe Coffee Day. Thats the only decent place to go late in the night besides the lavish coffee shops of 5 star hotels. She mentioned that she can remain out for 1 more hour and then I will have to drop her home. This 1 hour went so fast before we realized that she is already late. I never wanted to let her go home and so tried to convince her for a night out with me. I felt even she does not want to go back but I had to market the night out idea to keep her assured that its worth it.
It took me a while to convince her but than I had no idea what to do. We went to railway station in search of a restaurant to sit in, where she deeply or markedly influenced me with her distinguishing quality. She asked me to catch the train going towards Mumbai and we decided to go to Lonavala. It was around 2 a.m. and she wasnt having fear of any kind. Her wild and exciting behavior was driving me crazy. We reached lonavala in an hour and then roamed around little bit near station.
It wasnt looking very safe so we decided to come back to station and sat very close to each other on a bench holding each others hand. It was very late in the night and mosquitos with long proboscis were piercing the skin to keep us awake. We were waiting for the first light of the day. We got up before dawn and went out of station but to the different side this time.
It was a beautiful natural scenery, which was acting as a catalyst in developing an intimate relationship. Droplets of water vapor suspended in the air were reducing the visibility. I tried to embrace her in my arms with fondness. Her long hair flowed down her back and I felt little helpless lying in her arms. I wanted to hug her tight but was afraid of revealing my feelings. The gracious morning walk, developed an attitude of admiration for her.
We came back to Pune early morning, picked my car from station and I went to drop her. Both of us were very quite on our way back home as if something is going to end. Probably that was an ephemeral happiness.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Living with an imaginary girlfriend
I met one of my old friend, and he asked the same question - Any girlfriend? I am tired of my life answering this question. I always give it a sweet smile which sometimes contains an involuntary expression of anxiety. People ask these trite questions for myriad reasons before actually going into meaningful conversation.
Sometimes my very close friends, with whom I share many things, tries to push me to have a girlfriend. These friends actually try to analyze me and are always ready with suggestions which they claims should help me to get one. Some have even tried things like fixing a date for me.
Its not that I have problems in having girlfriend or I enjoy the spoils of a single life. There is some funny analysis that I was able to do. There are plenty of positive things in me too, but I thought of writing these things a few days back.
* My expectations/standards are too high - How many beautiful and cute looking women do I encounter in my day to day life. Those women always seem to be taken.
* Guys always have to put more efforts in beginning - Little or no response from women de-motivates me. Some experts says that this is expected from women in the beginning. But I feel very disheartened seeing that my best isn't good enough.
* I am hilarious in a weird way. This is fun for me as I enjoy awkwardness but sometimes people don't know how to respond to this.
After a tiring office day, or, when i feel blue in the night, I always go through my mobile phone directory searching for a girl to talk to. My phone has only 3-4 girls and I usually talk to one of them in such situations for an hour or so. Probably I should call them my imaginary girlfriends. They know me so well that they also pretend to be my girlfriend to make the whole scene authentic. Sometimes this can be a lot of fun and sometimes it is a confidence booster.
I strongly feel that some people are meant to be like this. They understand everything but still are perplexed by doubts. I am one of this kind and probably any help from friends will not be of much use. I am quite felicitous with my so called imaginary girlfriends and conscientious intention to find a real one will be too much effort for me.
Sometimes my very close friends, with whom I share many things, tries to push me to have a girlfriend. These friends actually try to analyze me and are always ready with suggestions which they claims should help me to get one. Some have even tried things like fixing a date for me.
Its not that I have problems in having girlfriend or I enjoy the spoils of a single life. There is some funny analysis that I was able to do. There are plenty of positive things in me too, but I thought of writing these things a few days back.
* My expectations/standards are too high - How many beautiful and cute looking women do I encounter in my day to day life. Those women always seem to be taken.
* Guys always have to put more efforts in beginning - Little or no response from women de-motivates me. Some experts says that this is expected from women in the beginning. But I feel very disheartened seeing that my best isn't good enough.
* I am hilarious in a weird way. This is fun for me as I enjoy awkwardness but sometimes people don't know how to respond to this.
After a tiring office day, or, when i feel blue in the night, I always go through my mobile phone directory searching for a girl to talk to. My phone has only 3-4 girls and I usually talk to one of them in such situations for an hour or so. Probably I should call them my imaginary girlfriends. They know me so well that they also pretend to be my girlfriend to make the whole scene authentic. Sometimes this can be a lot of fun and sometimes it is a confidence booster.
I strongly feel that some people are meant to be like this. They understand everything but still are perplexed by doubts. I am one of this kind and probably any help from friends will not be of much use. I am quite felicitous with my so called imaginary girlfriends and conscientious intention to find a real one will be too much effort for me.
Monday, March 5, 2007
stuck in a wrong job?
I am working as a "software engineer + technical lead + manager", in one of the fastest growing and technically oriented company which has only 4K employees worldwide and has revenue of over 4 billion. I am one of the best paid engineer of my age group and industry experience. Doesn't it sounds great ??
In spite of all these good things I sometime question myself for the career path i have chosen. I have been working really hard from past 1-1.5 years to increase my technical capabilities. I am literally not doing anything else except office work. But my job requires a lot more technical knowledge and experience which means I will have to slog for next 5-6 years to reach some level or may be little more. Am I ready for all this? This needs patience and long exhausting march of hard work.
I sometimes feel that this does not goes with my personality. Are my skills and interests fit my current work? Are my career goals realistic with this organization? These are some of the question I will have to answer soon to make a good career choice. I have probably reached a stage when I am not sure of what i want and what are the opportunities and even what is appropriate. Probably, dissatisfaction with possession and achievements is required for further achievements.
In spite of all these good things I sometime question myself for the career path i have chosen. I have been working really hard from past 1-1.5 years to increase my technical capabilities. I am literally not doing anything else except office work. But my job requires a lot more technical knowledge and experience which means I will have to slog for next 5-6 years to reach some level or may be little more. Am I ready for all this? This needs patience and long exhausting march of hard work.
I sometimes feel that this does not goes with my personality. Are my skills and interests fit my current work? Are my career goals realistic with this organization? These are some of the question I will have to answer soon to make a good career choice. I have probably reached a stage when I am not sure of what i want and what are the opportunities and even what is appropriate. Probably, dissatisfaction with possession and achievements is required for further achievements.
Monday, February 26, 2007
My first car
After months of bumming rides off everyone else, I have finally decided to buy my first car when I will be back to India. Technically, this will not be my first car as I had gifted one to my parents on their marriage anniversary after my first job.
Purchasing a car does not mean walking onto a car lot, pick a car and drive home in it the same day. Moreover, being the first one I want it the way I like it, ALL. Whenever I travel to US, my company pays for a nice rental car. This time I have got a Red Convertible, Ford Mustang. It was one of the most successful product launches in automobile industry, which has long and glorious history. It has iconic looks to die for and its mascular engine sound is as good as it looks.
Last year I had rented a SUV. Unless you drive one of the largest SUVs, you cannot understand why people purchase such a monster. The SUV brings back the thrill of driving for driving's sake that I had when I was in school but which has long since worn off. When barreling down the street in an SUV, the song "Take the Money and Run" sounds unbelievably sweet.
I am afraid that back in India I will not be able to buy any such car, instead, I will have to settle down to a C segment car like Hyundai Accent or Ford Ikon. These are the cars of low income groups in US or Europe. This makes me think that I should have come to US after my masters if i really wanted to have such material pleasures. I rather chose to be an emotional fool and stayed back in India.
Purchasing a car does not mean walking onto a car lot, pick a car and drive home in it the same day. Moreover, being the first one I want it the way I like it, ALL. Whenever I travel to US, my company pays for a nice rental car. This time I have got a Red Convertible, Ford Mustang. It was one of the most successful product launches in automobile industry, which has long and glorious history. It has iconic looks to die for and its mascular engine sound is as good as it looks.
Last year I had rented a SUV. Unless you drive one of the largest SUVs, you cannot understand why people purchase such a monster. The SUV brings back the thrill of driving for driving's sake that I had when I was in school but which has long since worn off. When barreling down the street in an SUV, the song "Take the Money and Run" sounds unbelievably sweet.
I am afraid that back in India I will not be able to buy any such car, instead, I will have to settle down to a C segment car like Hyundai Accent or Ford Ikon. These are the cars of low income groups in US or Europe. This makes me think that I should have come to US after my masters if i really wanted to have such material pleasures. I rather chose to be an emotional fool and stayed back in India.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Waiting for breakfast
Its 7 a.m. in Santa Clara and I am determined to take breakfast today. Though breakfast is the most important meal of the day, I am very irregular with it. Almost everyday i skip breakfast and probably this makes me tired when my brain and body runs on low fuel.
This is not the first time I am so determined to have breakfast. It has happened many times in past and I was able to achieve this difficult goal only by not sleeping whole night. I had done it many times when I was in IIT, and, during my first job in Hyderabad. I became much more organized after coming to Pune, where I am able to achieve this goal without night outs. That is only because of Jeet, who is capable enough to wake me up with regular phone calls and messaging. I am so thankful to him for all the efforts he puts in for it.
But today, after so long, I am again on a night out waiting for breakfast. Actually, I am not very excited about it as I used to be in IIT. The feeling was different altogether, mostly because of the chit-chatting over the mess table and fish pond eating aalu ka paratha. People reading newspaper loudly and discussing about cricket or any other hot article from Bombay times with a sutta in hand. It seems like the comfort of 5 star hotel of US and a number of options to eat in breakfast does not excite me. May be i should go back to IIT for few days to live those moments once again.
This is not the first time I am so determined to have breakfast. It has happened many times in past and I was able to achieve this difficult goal only by not sleeping whole night. I had done it many times when I was in IIT, and, during my first job in Hyderabad. I became much more organized after coming to Pune, where I am able to achieve this goal without night outs. That is only because of Jeet, who is capable enough to wake me up with regular phone calls and messaging. I am so thankful to him for all the efforts he puts in for it.
But today, after so long, I am again on a night out waiting for breakfast. Actually, I am not very excited about it as I used to be in IIT. The feeling was different altogether, mostly because of the chit-chatting over the mess table and fish pond eating aalu ka paratha. People reading newspaper loudly and discussing about cricket or any other hot article from Bombay times with a sutta in hand. It seems like the comfort of 5 star hotel of US and a number of options to eat in breakfast does not excite me. May be i should go back to IIT for few days to live those moments once again.
Having jet lag
Its 6:30 a.m. in the morning and I am still awake. Couldn't sleep last night but I am feeling fresh. I love to see morning, it feels like heaven. I am in very good mood, may be because it is saturday morning so I have 2 days without work and secondly, I am in Santa Clara, CA which is a different world altogether.
I am remembering those days of IIT where after drinking whole night we use to go to Vihar lake early morning to enjoy the scenic beauty which gives the feeling of Kashmir or any other heavenly place. The quiet synthesis of water from Vihar lake and bird sound gives the feeling of newness and light spirit. But this morning is very different, instead of listening to the musical sound of birds, I am hearing the unpleasant and unwanted traffic noise. May be I should go out and find a better place.
I am remembering those days of IIT where after drinking whole night we use to go to Vihar lake early morning to enjoy the scenic beauty which gives the feeling of Kashmir or any other heavenly place. The quiet synthesis of water from Vihar lake and bird sound gives the feeling of newness and light spirit. But this morning is very different, instead of listening to the musical sound of birds, I am hearing the unpleasant and unwanted traffic noise. May be I should go out and find a better place.
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